Tuesday, June 15, 2010 ?
Fuck it.. I don't want to keep moving here and there. I don't want to get attached to a place and then have to break away. I don't want to develop relationships and not be able to progress any further than, "Hi, how are you."
I do want an identity. I do want to know where the fuck it is that I'm supposed to belong. I hate to say, but I do want to stay.
Monday, June 14, 2010 ?
Pretty uneventful birthday today, same as every year. Except it was probably worse.. since I didn't let myself pig out.
Got money as a present. Had breakfast. Had lunch. Had cake. Wished for something fucking unrealistic. Went and got myself a Zippo. Went to RP. Had dinner. Danced. Had fun, but it never lasts.
Yup.. pretty uneventful. My birthdays never really feel like anything special. Birthdays are supposed to be celebratory, but it never feels that way with me. When the day is over, the emoing ensues. But really, if I can't be happy, at least give me the freedom to be unhappy.
My studies are shit. I don't have the freedom to develop a liking for someone, because I can't give her a nice life. I have no aspirations that I would tell anyone about because they're unrealistic and people would just laugh out loud.
At least I still got dance. Although I'm still nowhere.. at least I have something to look forward to.
June 14 2011, please be a better day than today.
